Jay Leno: "How many people in our studio got your seats tonight because you paid off Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich?"
Jay Leno: "Don’t you love watching congressmen lecture auto executives on how to run their business? I mean, you got people that put us a trillion dollars in debt lecturing people who put us a billion dollars in debt."
David Letterman: "We’re not kidding about this economy," which "is so bad that" Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich "had to mark down the price of a Senate seat 40%."
David Letterman: "But did you hear about this guy?" Blagojevich "is charged with corruption and apparently" he "was stealing a lot of money, getting a lot of bribes" and "kickbacks and hiding them in his hair."
David Letterman: "Well, I just hope to God this doesn’t tarnish the fine reputation of Illinois politics."
Craig Ferguson: "Big news from Washington today. Even though it may make some people uncomfortable, President-elect Obama says he’ll use his full name, Barack Hussein Obama, when he’s sworn in next month. To show support, Joe Biden is also using his full name, Joseph Adolph Fidel Puppykiller Biden."
Conan O’Brien: "A plan to bail out the Big Three automakers stalled in Congress today. Yeah. As a result, Congress plans to buy a better-built Japanese bailout plan."
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