Jay Leno: "Before lawmakers in Alaska released the report on this ‘Troopergate’ scandal, Sarah Palin’s campaign released the results of their own campaign clearing her of any wrongdoing. … I think it’s legitimate. Because apparently, Palin can see the courthouse from her front porch."
David Letterman: "Hillary Clinton is celebrating 35 years of marriage to [...]
Jay Leno: “Sarah Palin … now knows all three branches of government.”
Conan O’Brien: “It’s been reported that John McCain is taking an herbal supplement to improve his memory. … Apparently, McCain is having trouble remembering why he picked Sarah Palin.”
David Letterman: “I guess you heard the news” that “the House killed [...]
I don’t know if the letter displayed in the picture below is true. But is sure is a nice sentiment either way.
In other news, EW has a nice quote from Nancy:
Exclusive: Heart’s Nancy Wilson responds to McCain campaign’s use of ‘Barracuda’ at Republican convention
Sep 5, 2008, 01:44 AM | by Whitney Pastorek
Thursday afternoon, [...]
Jay Leno: "Hey, did you all see John McCain last night? He gave a great speech. And you’ve got to admit, he looked so life-like, didn’t he?"
Jay Leno: "As you know, several times, McCain talked about serving his country in Vietnam, which is a nice change after 16 years and two presidents who could never [...]
Much like his recent performance in Lions for Lambs, Tom Cruise failed to pack ‘em in to the $cientology Celebrity Center’s black-tie affair in Hollywood this weekend. After setting the table for more than 1500 invited guests, reports have trickled in indicating that less than half that number blew $600.00 a plate to [...]
Jay Leno: "Barack Obama told Tom Brokaw the other day on ‘Meet the Press’ that what he’s looking for in a vice president is a person who will tell him when they thought he was wrong, to which president Bush said, ‘Trust me. That gets old really fast.’"
Conan O’Brien: "In a speech yesterday, Barack Obama [...]
Craig Ferguson: “Barack Obama was in Germany” today, and “he did this speech and 100,000 people showed up. There were so many Germans shouting and screaming that France…surrendered just in case.”
Jimmy Kimmel: “It was…surprising” and “kind of exciting. They really love Barack Obama in Germany. He’s like a [...]
Tom Cruise has recently been making a lot of headlines, but not as a headliner. With his acting career overshadowed by his space alien affiliations, Tom has become just another aging, mediocre actor.
In the opinion of many, Tom’s career peaked with his 1983 portrayal of Joel Goodsen, the manic undies-clad pimp in Risky [...]
Jay Leno: "Hey, big scare today for Barack Obama. His airplane had to make an unscheduled landing because of mechanical problems. While the pilot was steering to the left, the plane was apparently drifting to the right."
Conan O’Brien: "Yesterday at the G8 summit, President Bush met with the prime minister of India. Yeah. There [...]
David Letterman: The Supreme Court "ruled individuals have the right to carry guns." But do not "think you can just go into a gun store and buy a gun. There is still a strict 15-minute waiting period."
Jimmy Kimmel: "The latest Bloomberg poll shows" Barack Obama "has a 15-point lead over John McCain." Obama "leads [...]
Conan O’Brien: "Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. … Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before ‘Wheel of Fortune.’"
Craig Ferguson: "John McCain revealed his energy plan today. He wants to [...]
Jay Leno: "You know, I’ll tell you, things are not good. The price of oil doubled in less than a year. Home foreclosures are at a record high. Unemployment is surging. But yesterday…we saw a ray of hope. President Bush left the country. So maybe things will get better."
Jay Leno: "Unemployment has hit 5.5%, the [...]
David Letterman: Top Ten Signs Your Neighbor Is an Alien. "1. He’s bald, gray and creepy, but he’s not Dick Cheney."
Jay Leno: "Today, Hillary Clinton’s camp said she is not actively seeking the vice presidential nomination. And then her pantsuit caught on fire."
David Letterman: "Hillary Clinton…has announced that she" will be "officially ending her campaign on Saturday. … She’s going to wait until Saturday because tomorrow is the Honduras primary."
